Should Christians date non Christians? （Written by Fusion101 Christian Singles Dating & Chat）

Should Christians date non Christians? （Written by Fusion101 Christian Singles Dating & Chat）

Dating non-Christians
Should Christians date non Christians…?
© 2005 - Written by Fusion101 Christian Singles Dating & Chat

“do NOT be yoked with unbelievers”
Christian dating advice help guide - should Christians date a non-Christian - dating for Christins

“He’s the nicest guy I’ve met in ages. It’s not as if I ever meet anyone - and who knows, he might become a Christian”

This page talks about the question of should Christians go out with or date a non-Christian - the age old problem of having a Christian girlfriend or boyfriend that doesn’t believe. Is dating non-believers an option for Christians? Shouldn’t we be equally yoked with someone who believes that Christ? Well here’s a few thoughts and what the Bible has to say about this subject.

There is of course nothing inherently wrong with dating a non-Christian. There are many stories of Christians going out with non-Christians who subsequently give their life to God and the two go on to get married. But there are also stories to the contrary of great heartache and eventual splitting of partners either before or after marriage.

With the added pressure of other people drifting in and out of casual relationships, everyone else is having all the fun and you end up wondering why you don’t try it yourself! To make things trickier still, some non-Christians have higher morals, and are more faithful and understanding than their fellow Christians.

a real dilemma!
It’s a dilemma, - and it does seem unfair of God to restrict us to the few that are Christian in the real sense. Trying to find someone with whom you click, who you find attractive and who you know loves the Lord - can be so difficult that staying Gods side of the fence can seem like too much to ask! - Should I ask that non- Christian guy out at work? Should I be less fussy? Should I go church hopping? Should I join an agency? In the end it distracts from the real meaning of Christian life. Not to mention hours wasted barking up the wrong trees!

Should we consider dating a non-Christian partner outside the church when one inside seems so elusive - what does the Bible say?

1) The bible says guard your heart above all.

2) We can see with Jesus as our model that as Christians we are limited in the things we can do. We have to sacrifice many things that the rest of the world does not, and one of those things is the vast choice of people with whom we can have a husband/wife relationship.

3) The bible clearly states that marrying a nonbeliever is to be avoided. (do not be yoked with unbelievers or non Christians) However If you find this dogmatic, consider the sensitive way it addresses people who are already in a relationship with a nonbeliever. Far from consign them both to hell it offers constructive advice and says that the Christians’ faith actually sanctifies the nonbeliever in the relationship. -Not to be taken to mean that dating a non-Christian is a good idea.

4) Be careful who you get together with as bad company corrupts good character. Can a non Christian partner help you spiritually?

5) The Bible tells us that few will enter the kingdom of heaven which is important because it follows that the number of potential partners available to us will be equally few. It is to be expected that meeting compatible people is difficult.

-As ever the Bible offers practical advice to real problems!

Other things to consider . . .

A mature Christian woman dating a spiritually immature man:
This may or may not worry you but consider the fact that the bible says the man should be the spiritual leader in a relationship. Spiritual maturity does not come overnight unlikely that a new Christian man could lead a mature Christian woman.

uneven playing field
When you go out with a non-Christian you may have find you have opposite views on certain issues that your partner may not consider issues at all! For instance commitment to them may not be commitment to you. This will give them an unfair advantage in a relationship as they can break certain rules that you can’t - and you may feel pressured to break them to hold their interest. This really happens! It’s much better when both parties have the same rulebook. With an issue like no sex before marriage it’ll take 2 to say ‘no’. When one is indifferent, temptation will be hard to resist!

from a practical point of view . . .
Is the person you’re dating someone you’d like to marry? Being able to talk about your deepest emotions, hopes and fears in the light of God is something most Christians would want from a life long partner. Can you have this kind of relationship with an unbeliever? Most Christians agree that in the end something is missing. It can be like talking to someone who “isn’t home” for want of a less arrogant sounding description. Consider what you want.

It is true that many non-Christians have good relationships (though they could never be as fulfilling as a right relationship in which both partners included God) With one believer and one nonbeliever. The scales are uneven and liable to tip.

Having established that it’s praobably best not to seriously date a non-Christian (though this may not always be the case), how can we improve our chances of meeting someone?

You can visit different churches but this is a very inefficient way to meet someone. You’re going to have to go for a couple of weeks before you get to know anyone and even then you may not end up in a position to approach the person you like. It also takes your mind off church itself. Church hopping is not a sin but it’s not a good way to find a partner.

You can introduce people whom you know have an interest in each other. If everyone did this you could guarantee the favour would be returned!

You could try traditional Christian dating agencies which is a great idea. They even send you out in groups which is a lot of fun. Or you could usefusion101.com. This is a Christian dating agency that allows you to contact people with whom you have something in common. No time wasted and great fun! Go to 101 FREE Christian Dating & Personals service

to summarise

1) Does the person you’re interested in have the spiritual spiritual maturity you need? (esp important for women)
2) In a relationship with a non-Christian you may be tempted to compromise your beliefs in order to stay appealing.

3) Falling in love is easy. In a romantic relationship it may be difficult to escape a relationship with an unbeliever if it turns out to be wrong.

4) Consider carefully whether short term gain is worth giving yourself to what could be the wrong person.

5) While there can be nothing wrong with dating a non-Christian, you never know when a casual date will turn into a lifelong love.

6) If you don’t want to end up marrying a non-Christian, don’t date one!

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Q) Should I *Date a Non-Christian?
This is an honest question of many who desire companionship in this life. I like one evangelist’s response to that: “I would not even date a lukewarm Christian.”
God’s wisdom and protection for your life would be to not to date or seek courtship with an unbeliever. It is obviously a great temptation for many, yet God’s Word is clear:

2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”
God does not want to steal your fun, but to protect you from future harm. I have seen many well-meaning believers justify their dating/courtship habits.

Excuses some have used for dating non-Christians:
1. “I am not attracted to anyone in my church and there are few singles my age.”
I don’t believe God will make you marry someone you are not attracted to, but it simply comes down to trust. If we are “about our Father’s business”, and our hearts are set on doing His will, we will be content while waiting. Do you trust God for your future spouse? Is God big enough to bring someone into your life when and how He wants to? I have seen many singles attend a church for the sole purpose of fining a mate, as if they were shopping at a meat market. If they didn’t find the cut of beef they wanted, they went shopping elsewhere.

2. “I will lead them to the Lord.”
That is what some call “missionary dating”. Sometimes people lead others to the Lord in a dating situation, but more often than not it is the Christian in this situation who compromises what they know to be God’s will and they are lead further away from the things of God. King Solomon married many foreign wives who served foreign gods. His heart was turned away from God as a result:

1 Kings 11:7-10 Then Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the abomination of Moab, on the hill that is east of Jerusalem, and for Molech the abomination of the people of Ammon. And he did likewise for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and sacrificed to their gods. So the Lord became angry with Solomon, because his heart had turned from the Lord God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice, and had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods; but he did not keep what the Lord had commanded.
I have known of some who finally saw their spouse come to Jesus only after enduring years of heartache and brokenness. This unnecessary pain was caused by disobedience, not God’s leading.

3. “I will not marry them, only date them.”
Any dating relationship can cause you to open yourself up to emotional attachment. It is self-deception to think dating cannot or will not lead to marriage. One should not “date” unless even considering marriage. It is not fair to the other person, to yourself, or to your future spouse. It is selfish to think otherwise. It is tough enough in this life being married to a Christian who is desires the things of God. I could not imagine trying to go through life with someone who is not following Jesus.

4. “This person seems to have it together.”
Satan doesn’t usually tempt us with people who don’t seem to have it together. The grass is greener on the other side, but when you get there you find out it is green-colored cardboard! Marriage is only part of God’s plan, albeit a very important part, marriage itself should not be our goal. Seek His will and have long-term goals for your life instead of short-term satisfaction. You will be happier if you do things God’s way in God’s time.

2 Corinthians 6:14 (AMP) Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers [do not make mismated alliances with them or come under a different yoke with them, inconsistent with your faith]. For what partnership have right living and right standing with God with iniquity and lawlessness? Or how can light have fellowship with darkness?

*I use the term dating only because it is a common term. A proper godly approach to companionship should be courting. Dating is the world’s way to satisfy what God intended for preparation for marriage.

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Equally Yoked Dating

by JJ

Should a Christian date a non-Christian? This question is considered by most, if not all, single Christians at some point. The term “equally yoked” comes from 2 Corinthians 6:14:

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?“ (NASB)

The concept goes all the way back to Deuteronomy 22:10:

“You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together.” (NASB)

Two different animals shouldn’t be yoked together on the plow. In Judaism, the ox was considered clean, whereas the donkey was considered unclean. Not only that, but these animals have different natures and different strengths and abilities1. If you put them together, the plow will probably go in a circle instead of straight, because they are not equally matched. The passage in 2 Corinthians 6 is not a marriage passage. Paul is writing to the Corinthian Christians and exhorting them to not be bound together with non-Christians. This includes marriage, but it also includes business and other relationships as well. He is not saying we should have nothing to do with non-believers; he is saying we should not be “bound” to them in ways that can affect our walk with the Lord adversely.

Do you get the point? A Christian and a non-Christian have different natures, and they are not equally matched spiritually. After our relationship with the Lord, marriage is the most significant relationship in our lives, and God doesn’t want us in that relationship with a non-Christian.

What about Missionary Dating?
Missionary dating is a Christian dating a non-Christian for the purpose of evangelism; at least that’s what they claim. I believe most people who do this have the wrong motivation. Instead of doing to to glorify God and lead the person to Christ, they do it because they are attracted to the person and they figure if they can lead him or her to Christ then it will be okay to date and, possibly, marry this person. They’re probably feeling desperate and/or impatient, and they don’t want to limit their options by restricting the pool of available partners to Christians only. For every person you can show me who did this successfully, I can show you ten people who are married to non-believers and are miserable. It’s a really bad idea and it’s wrong. You should never date someone unless you believe there might be the potential for marriage, and since God has commanded us NOT to marry non-Christians, then you should not date them either. Even if the person did get saved, now you have a “baby Christian” who will not be as spiritually mature as you. You’re still unequally yoked to some extent, and that does not lead to a fulfilling relationship.

Early in my walk with the Lord, I found myself in this very situation. I was attracted to a girl I worked with, and we went out a couple of times. I thought “She’d be great if she’d come to know the Lord.” The funny thing was, she ended it because it was obvious to her that we were not compatible. She was used to hanging around with people who drank, smoked and said crude things, and I was very different than that so it made her uncomfortable. She actually cried as she told me this. She apparently didn’t know how to respond to someone who treated her with respect and kindness.

Brothers and sisters, don’t compromise. Be patient (please read my article Patience) and wait for God’s best. Don’t give in to the temptation to date a non-Christian and then think you can lead them to the Lord. Are you going to disciple them and help them mature and catch up with you spiritually as well? I don’t think so.

“The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.”
– John 1:5 (NASB)

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Dating a Non-Christian

By Grantley Morris In contrast to staying in love, falling in love tends to be something outside our control. Devoted Christians can therefore find themselves in love with non-Christians. Some, unaware that Scripture addresses this matter, have even deliberately exposed themselves to this in the hope of winning someone to the Lord. If ever the saying ‘The path to hell is paved with good intentions’ were true, it applies to this tragedy.

‘Do not be misled,’ says Scripture, ‘bad company corrupts good character.’ (Related Scriptures) No matter how strong you are, choose the wrong friend, and you’ll be corrupted. Not everyone believes that. That’s why Scripture prefaces this warning with the words, Do not be misled, or, as some versions put it, ‘deceived’. A careful look at the context reveals that ‘bad company’ is not necessarily people we would normally think of as being ‘bad,’ but people whose belief about Jesus is faulty, even though they might claim to be Christian and live moral lives.

A prime example is Solomon. Not even all his wisdom could keep him from ruining his life because he chose to befriend women who, though religious, believed the wrong things about God. (Scriptures)

Since the Bible insists you have little chance if you chose ungodly people as close friends, you must choose between God and wrong friendships. You will not have both for long. When choosing close friends, especially where there is a chance of romantic involvement, remember this simple fact: a person either belongs to God or to the devil. There is no middle ground.

To have sex with a non-Christian is to defile Christ. Scripture is emphatic that sex makes two people one. A born-again Christian is spiritually united to Christ and a non-Christian is spiritually united to the devil. To marry a non-Christian is therefore to try to make Christ one with the devil. (Scriptures)

A spiritually mixed marriage is a hideous perversion. It is the profanity of trying to unite that which must never be united – trying to unite that which belongs to the Holy One to that which belongs to the Evil One; trying to make holiness (that’s what we are through our union with Jesus) one with evil (that’s the basic nature of the nicest non-Christian).

Whoever is born of God becomes a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). Someone commented that those who have been born again are virtually a new species. There is a lot of truth in that thought, and this puts sexual union with a non-Christian almost on the level of bestiality. When 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, ‘Do not be yoked together with unbelievers,’ Paul had in mind an Old Testament law:
Deuteronomy 22:10 Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.Linking side by side two different species of different height and gait, and making them pull together, would be an act of cruelty. Interestingly, in Old Testament thinking, an ox is a clean animal (able to be used in the service of God) and a donkey is unclean. In the back of Paul’s mind might also have been another Scripture:
Leviticus 19:19 . . . Do not mate different kinds of animals. . . .People who become Christians after they are married have God’s blessing because they did not deliberately enter a spiritually perverse marriage. They were both non-Christians when they married. They can expect spiritual protection from their unchristian partner. (Scriptures) But Christians who sin by marrying non-Christians are in grave danger. By disregarding God’s warning about relationships, they throw away their right to divine protection, unless they thoroughly repent, which involves genuinely regretting that they married. Never imagine you can fool God by deciding beforehand to ‘enjoy’ both sin and God’s forgiveness by ‘repenting’ after your deliberate sin.

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